Excuses, excuses

Mummy! My porridge is too batty. There's a bat in my porridge

I told him to eat it quick, before it flew away.

Me: Time to use the potty.
Boy: No I can't. A shark bit my penis off.
Me: Wha...?
Boy: Yeah.... Oh, no, sorry, it was a whale.

I don't know where he gets these funny ideas from.