Random words of wisdom 2

Me not a tired young man. Me a spider man.

Me gonna live in the chicken house. And... dad can live in the dog house.

Mummy: Priorities!

Boy: No it isn't! They is just pumpkins!

Monsters are 'Straylan animals.

I'm Mr Downer. And daddy is Mr Upper.

I'm a lego girl, in a lego world...

... life's fantastic, strapped to a tractor

"Little Boy" is in the driver's seat and "Mummy" is, erm, riding shotgun.

A creepy little Boy like you

I got a special machine to look inside bodies of adults. Because sometimes they have creepy crawlies living inside them.

That's particularly reassuring in light of his previous medical advice.

One day, when I was pregnant with Justababy, I took Boy out with me to look for baby stuff. Well, first we stopped at Bunnings so he could go nuts in the play ground while I drank a coffee. On the way out I picked up some gardening gloves for him. He was right chuffed. They were too big, but he insisted on wearing them anyway.

So, there I was, browsing the baby shop, when I bumped into my son, his hands held upright to keep the gloves on - like a surgeon attempting to preserve sterility. He threw himself to the ground and began inspecting the underside of a cot, declaring: I looking for creepy crawlies. There's lots of them all over the place.

The tell-tale Boy

Boy recently spent a few nights with his grandparents. When we got there, his grandma asked him if he'd like to stay with her.
Oh yes, he said, then I won't get yelled at.

At least he knows better than to tell her about the beatings.

Random words of wisdom

Mummy: Are your legs long?
Boy: Yes. They can reach the ground easily.

Mummy: Where is New Zealand?
Boy: Near the farm, past the tractor.

I didn't bring my rollercoaster with me. Sorry about that.

That's not meat. That's a burger.

 

 

Fageddaboudit

I mentioned previously Boy's passion for television. He has added to his repertoire with a mafia standover technique.

Mummy, can I watch TV? I promise I won’t erupt you...

Translation: Hey, that’s a nice baby you’ve got there. It would be such a shame if someone were to wake it up. You turn on the TV... I can guarantee that won’t happen.

I just called to say I need some wood

Mummy, make the numbers. I wanna call the police. My car got broken

This is what the police lady says: Please check the number before trying again.

The other day Boy called our local medical centre. He was blabbering away as usual – something about wanting some “Big, tiny, long, smooth wood. You know the one, it’s white. Do you have it? Ok. Yes, I need some of that big, tiny, long, smooth wood. Ok?” – when Granma suddenly realised there was actually someone on the line. Whoops.

But it’s ok, because a few days later he got a hold of the phone again and called The Fat Controller (aka Granma, or in this case, her assistant, Grandad) and asked for some more wood – “You know, the long, smooth, white stuff”.

A spoonful of sugar helps the vomit go down

I gonna teach Justababy how to eat. You just put it in and vomit it all out again.

When I was a baby, I vomited all over the place. It went out of my mouth and smashed through the window.

Actually, Boy wasn’t much of a chucker. Justababy, on the other hand, seems to like a good projectile vomit. (I do not.) The frequency of upchucks has decreased with time, but the introduction of solid food seemed to bring it out of her again. ;) As did a recent illness. I even tried giving her some medicine... which she promptly spewed up, along with everything else in her gut.

Boy has a medical kit and likes to use it. Around the time Justababy was sick, he gave me a checkup and some ‘special’ medicine to help me recover.

Here you go mummy, it’s vomititup medicine.

There you go.

Go on. You have to vomit it up mummy.

Vomit mummy!

[puke sound]

That’s good. Now you all better.