I just called to say I need some wood

Mummy, make the numbers. I wanna call the police. My car got broken

This is what the police lady says: Please check the number before trying again.

The other day Boy called our local medical centre. He was blabbering away as usual – something about wanting some “Big, tiny, long, smooth wood. You know the one, it’s white. Do you have it? Ok. Yes, I need some of that big, tiny, long, smooth wood. Ok?” – when Granma suddenly realised there was actually someone on the line. Whoops.

But it’s ok, because a few days later he got a hold of the phone again and called The Fat Controller (aka Granma, or in this case, her assistant, Grandad) and asked for some more wood – “You know, the long, smooth, white stuff”.