What are little girls made of?

Another day, another impossible question:

Boy: Mummy, why don't girls have penises?

Me: Gaaawwwd. I don't know. Because they just don't.

Boy: Maaaaaybe it's so they can fit a vagina and a bottom...?

Me: Yes. Good. Let's go with that.

What are little Boys made of?

Boy: Mummy, do we use tools to make people?

Me: Well, what do you think?

Boy: [laughs] Nooooo, people are not made from nuts and bolts and things like that.

Me: What are people made from?

Boy: .....ummmm.....they are made from babies

Logic bubble

Boy: Naughty Tiger is my imaginary friend

Grandma: Can you see him now?

Boy. No. He's IM-A-GIN-ARY Grandma

Grandma: What does Naughty Tiger look like?

Boy: [sigh] No Grandma. You just can't see him because he's just imaginary. He's not real.

Grandma: Does he have stripes.

Boy: [SIGH] NO!

I bought some cheap Russian vodka on the way home - it came in a bedazzling gold box that opens out a bit like a coffin. Boy thought it was a perfect carry case for Nut. He was having trouble shoving Nut in one day and asked (read: yelled at) Grandma for help.
Oh, no, says Grandma, that's just perfect like that. There's a little gap so Nut can breathe.
No Grandma, says Boy, he doesn't need to breathe. He's Just. A. Toy.

Poor Grandma can't get anything right.

I just called...

Boy: Mummy, who can I call? 

Me: Do you want to call grandma?

Boy: I want to cause emergencies.

Me: You want to cause emergencies?

Boy: Yes, because I have to call them first before I do the emergencies.

Boy has already completed his emergency training too. He just "sat in a chair and listened to some stuff".

Boy Wonder

Boy: [Standing with a blanket over his head] You can’t see me!

Me: Yes I can

Boy: No! You can’t see me!

Me: I can. Here you are [poke]

Boy:.... I can’t see you

Just Desserts

But I just want to eat what I want to eat

We were very spoilt on holidays. Our hosts provided meals including dessert, even at lunch! A Boy could just about get used to that.

One evening he was particularly busy in his own private universe visiting Naughty Monkey (who, by the way, isn’t really naughty, that’s just his name) for a birthday party. So naturally he’d eaten already and didn’t need any dinner. Well, ok, he was thirsty so he’d sit down for some juice. And no, he didn’t even need dessert as he’d already had some. Then pudding arrived....

“Oh, well, I didn’t eat much dessert”

We managed to convince him that he would have to eat some real dinner before getting real dessert. 

Backseat Driver

Daddy, do you know the roads here? ‘Cos they are a bit different to the ones back home. 

I will watch out for the tricky ones.

Our loaner car seat didn’t offer much slumber support, leaving Boy slumped over in an ‘L’ shape when he dozed off, so we bought him a little travel pillow. Which meant he was slumped over with a little pillow behind his neck.

Anyway, he thought it was a pretty neat headset – grabbing one end and speaking (loudly of course) into it.

"Um, yes, we just on the way to Dunedin now. Yes, we just coming up to the intersection now, we just going that way. Ok Daddy? That alright?"

No, I can’t read. I can only read maps.

Songs of Praise

Boy was ecstatic to be home after a whole month away. He rushed around very busily reacquainting himself with his toys and the house. Then he dragged out an old busted up guitar and proceeded to serenade us with some very entertaining lyrics. By the time I got the video out he had moved on to less interesting stuff – you’ve missed the one about someone getting their head bitten off and neck pooed down, for instance – but we got in just before his exhausted, jet-lagged mind succumbed to incoherent jibberish.

Well almost.

If you really want to know.... -

There was a little....

There was a little, little bee and it was very busy

There was a cat that ate it and it wanted the bee to be its mother

But it [something something] and invited it to its family to be its mother

It did it [something] it did it so it would have a mother

It invited it to its family and did what it did from Donaldson’s Dairy

[some other stuff about Donaldson’s Dairy and stuff]

Fying high

On the way back from our holiday, Boy and his fearless sidekick Nut were invited to assist the captain in the cockpit. He showed Boy the controls and explained that was how you moved the plane.

So, he asked Boy, do you think you can fly the plane now?

Um.... well... I don't have my driver's licence yet.