Elementary!

The other day, Granddad and I were watching a Dr Who marathon - second Dr, black and white, state of the art special effects. Boy was not impressed, and since he weren't going to put something on that would be good for him*, he demanded that his toys and craft stuff be moved into another room. Peering round the corner, he would dash in during the ad breaks to get some more paper (and complain again about Silly Old Dr Who, I hate that show).

A little while later, he leapt into the room brandishing a small torch**, which he flashed at the screen a couple of times, then, muttering to himself he ran off again. His plan was foiled.

Next, he came out with a plastic screw jammed on to the end of a plastic screw driver which he flicked off at the TV screen. It also didn't work and his invention would have been confiscated if he hadn't scampered off right away.

Finally, he resorted to sign writing.

Look Mummy, this says: One, Two. No TV! That means you have to turn off this silly old TV show and let me watch some kiddy TV.

His sign read:

TV
ON
12

We pointed out that it was a bit backwards. He insisted it was correct, you just have to read it this way. We countered with an explanation of how English is read.

He sighed.

Mummy. It's a code. That's why it's written that way.




*Sometimes he rather magnanimously suggests we find something that everyone likes. Which is just his way of saying: Something I like.

**It's funny, because his "TV-off" invention bore remarkable similarity to the weapons taped to the arms of the Ice Warriors.

The telltale heart

For Mother's Day I got a lovely, heart-felt card from Boy in which he wrote of his devotion to me. Specifically, he stated that he loved me because I made yummy food for him.

In a fit of pique, exasperated once again at my abysmal dinner-time record - I'm just fed up with your food Mummy! - he confessed the following:

You know how I said in my card that I loved you because you made me yummy food? Well I only said that because I couldn't think of anything else.

Fabulous.

The good news is that he does still love me. He just genuinely couldn't think of any reason. And still can't.

I think that's fair enough, really.

Baby I've got your number

Etsh go baby!

That's just something cute Girl used to say any time we got in the car. She's all grown up now, though, and won't do it any more. Oh, yes, she's nearly 26 months old.

She picks up a lot of choice phrases from Boy, but also occasionally from us. I've been working hard to curb my potty mouth, and can often be heard to exclaim far out!*

She is nobody's fool, though, and has adapted this to:

Fuck out!

Fabulous.




*It's more like "fu--ar out"

Old Boy

Daddy was driving with Triple J on.

Boy: Can you just turn that off? It doesn't have proper news, just silly old music.

He much prefers the news on Radio National, apparently*.

A little while back we visited a country show, with animals and exhibits, dancing, bagpipes, and fun stuff for the kids. What was the best bit?

This:

You can't see them in this picture, but this little fenced off area** contained some rusty old machines, lovingly restored to more-or-less working order - Wow! Look mummy, pumps! - and a half dozen senior citizens hovering nearby, keeping a keen eye on their precious machines. It was just a little glimpse into the future of Boy....

The second best bit (and Girl's favourite)? Fucking bagpipes.

No way, man. Give me an old pump any day.





*This is his new favourite word, by the way.
** Was it to keep the fascinated crowds (where?) away from the machines? Or to keep the old geezers in?

We all know frogs go....

Girl: I'm a croak.
Mummy: You're a.... what?
Girl: A croak.
Mummy: Ah. Ok. What's a croak?
Girl: A frog's screaming!

And apparently they're screaming in a puddle.

The Girl is just over 2, but she's off and racing to catch up with Boy in the chatterbox department. And she's picked up so many delightful turns of phrase from her brother. Like NOTHING! which is what she says when she's annoyed and doesn't want to be asked questions. Or Go away! - or alternatively Stop talking to me! Don't look at me! - when she doesn't want to be told not to do something.

This morning she was trying to stand on her head. She told Daddy she was standing on her penis. Oh dear.

She also has a bit of a temper. Boy can't help but tell us when he's pushed/bitten/hit his sister. Girl, however.... The other day, having just broken up a fight between the siblings, Auntie B caught Girl quietly spitting in Boy's drink.

Surely this means she's old enough for daycare now.

The life aquatic

Boy has been musing about the Octonauts

Isn't it funny that Peso doesn't eat fish? (He's a penguin.)
And isn't it funny that Captain Barnacles doesn't just eat all the other Octonauts? (He's a polar bear.)

And, you know, he's noticed that they never shower after they've been in the salty sea water. He's not sure they ever shower at all!

And they never go to the toilet.

I'd like to be...

I think maybe those Steiner people are on to something...

I curse the makers of annoying children's television. And I curse myself for letting my children watch it. GAH!

So, if you haven't already heard, we're all set to be living underwater soon. In an Octopod. Just round the corner from the Ocotonauts (who may well be coming round for sleepovers sometimes).

Boy keeps warning us that today is our last day in the real world. I'm starting to feel a bit like a member of one of those doomsday cults where the prophet gets the dates wrong. I don't actually want to live underwater - not that Boy gives a toss what I want - but I'd like this over with one way or another.

If I hear a sentence beginning "When we live underwater..." one more time....

Anyway, Boy says he's hard at work inventing things for when we're underwater. He's going to provide all the oxygen for people, but you have to bring your own food and other stuff. Just a head's up.

Mostly he's just hard at work talking about it. We endured three hours solid the other day. Thankfully he doesn't care too much whether we're really listening or not.

He pulled a swifty on Daddy the other day.

Daddy, I need to tell you something.
Oh.
But it's not about living underwater.
Oh! Ok.
So... when we're living underwater....

And poor Girl just keeps wanting to get her bathers on because she thinks we're going swimming. No, I say, we're not going to the pool. Oh... swimming in da ocean?

sigh.


Is this where it all started....? I have no idea why anyone would want to live in an Octopus' Garden, shade or no shade, unless perhaps you happened to be an octopus.